Real Honesty.

This post has been sitting in drafts for a few days. I’m nervous and scared and relieved all at the same time to be publishing it.
I am writing this post not because I want sympathy or pity. I’m writing it because I want someone….maybe you….to know you are not alone & you are better than you think you are. Really you are. Yes YOU.
This will be long and wordy and full of errors because if I don’t just write it as it comes out I will never publish it.
Ok here goes (big deep breath & pray my entire family isn’t reading this because my mom will call me and give me that concerned voice “Are you ok?” which will make me cry and will make me mad all at the same time for some reason):
House duties:
You know those blog posts that are like “I’m going to show you the real mess my room is” and then it’s a picture like this:

So yeah…that’s my house on a GOOD day. No, that’s my house on a FANTASTIC day.
Here’s my craft room:
And actually that is much better than it looks now. At least you can see some of the guest bed/futon in this one. 
yeah. I know. you don’t have to tell me. it’s the biggest mess ever. It’s so overwhelming I can even begin. I know, I know if I just do 15 minutes at at time it will be done in no time….ugh yeah thanks FlyLady…NOW I have to find an extra 15 minutes to work on it.
Edited to add: After I wrote this I came across this post in my Google Reader. I love it bc it is simple.
Personal:
I laugh when I read “get up an hour earlier than your kids and have ‘me’ time” HA! (actually I cry but that’s a different story) my kids get up at 5am. Consistently. without fail. every. single. day. and actually my Little Miss E wakes up to nurse at 4am- nurses for 20-35minutes and then gets up again when Little Man comes in demanding a cereal bar and to go downstairs. Speaking of little Man he doesn’t want to nap anymore and it’s a whole big struggle to even get him anywhere near a bed after 1pm everyday. IF I can get him there (kinda hard considering he’s 40lbs and very good at flopping around so you can’t pick him up) he *might* fall asleep IF I lay with him (hard to do if Miss E needs to nurse or is crying.) At night he won’t go to sleep until after 8:30pm IF I lay with him in our bed. Trust me I’ve tried the whole put him in his bed and keep putting him back until he stays thing….that’s a fantastic idea IF he would fall asleep-EVER- using that method and if after a long, long LONG night of putting him back he would sleep past 5am. Which he doesn’t. I swear if I put him to bed at 4am he would be back up at 5am- just crankier. And that’s another thing: Why does he wake up cranky no matter what? Even from naps (2+ hours if he falls asleep)? He’s cranky…even when I don’t wake him up.
Anyway so ‘me’ time does. not. happen. at. all. ever.
I would LOVE to have my mom come up and watch them both so I could nap but I’m nursing Miss E and when we try to give her a bottle of pumped milk she chokes on it and just doesn’t ‘get’ it. and if my mom would take Little Man and I would sleep when Miss E does (to avoid the whole bottle issue) I’m never tired then (again WHY is that??) or I feel like I should get stuff done that I can’t do otherwise. Plus my sister lives with my mom right now due to personal issues and has a 2 year old and one due in Sept. so my mom has her hands full already…I’m lucky to get 2 hours out of her when she comes to visit…and usually then she shows up before I’ve really woken up and hit my ‘stride’ for the day so those 2 hours are NOT productive. Ever. haha. But I appreciate her offers to help.
Weight:
This one never used to be an issue for me. Well let me rephrase that- I was always ‘bigger’ than my peers and according to those stupid BMI charts I was always ‘overweight/borderline obese’ which by the way is stupid. I was 5’4” in high school running cross country 145lbs and considered borderline obese? C’mon! Even I know that wasn’t true!
After having Little Man I nursed him and was pre-baby weight (145lbs.) by the time he was 3 months…then continued to lose because of the stress of my husband’s deployment..I still only got to 130lbs. and those stupid BMI things told me to be 115lbs. to be within the ‘healthy’ range. Honesty: even at 130lbs. my jeans size was still a 14. Which apparently shocked my friends when I told them. They all thought I was at least an 8 if not a 6. I’ve never been a 10 let alone a freakin 6! I wish lol.
So anyway right now at Miss E being almost 10 weeks I haven’t lost a pound in almost 2 weeks. I’m at 181lbs. 181. this is uncharted territory for me. I have no time to work out (see above about no me time) and I thought nursing would help again this time at least get me back to 150lbs. 
I don’t want to buy clothes that fit this body because I don’t want this body (read money/budget section below to also know why I can’t buy clothes in all the sizes I am/will be- sorry Stacy & Clinton but I just can’t and if I could they would be those cheap ones you hate!). I know I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to be all “love your body at any size” but I don’t. I don’t love my body at this size. I don’t love seeing 181 on the scale. So I wear yoga skirts and tank tops that I wore when I was pregnant just to get by. Until I get to that place…if I ever get to that place. I am continually amazed that my body made two babies…that it knew where to put the nose and the fingers and all those organs. That they are healthy because of my body. That I fed/feed them with my body. But that doesn’t mean I love what happened to my body. I would not give up my kids to get back to 135lbs but why can’t I have my cake and eat it too?
Money/Budget:
I love reading blogs-especially thrifty ones. I love a good thrifty find or dollar store re-do. Love ‘em. But I can’t participate all the time. My husband and I have written out our budget and are trying to follow Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover but we get stuck on step 1 then when we get that done we get stuck on step 2 so long that we use up the emergency fund and have to go back to step 1. This means that I don’t even have $1 to go to the dollar store and buy something to spray paint. If I DO have a little extra for some reason I either want to spend it on stuff my kids need or I can’t seem to GET to the store or yard sales (see above with no time for me) and I can’t take Little Man because he asks for everything and throws a tantrum if I say no and now that I have Miss E I can’t carry him out of a store kicking and screaming while holding her or her car seat. So I don’t go to the store. (Hubs grocery shops when he gets out of work) So I’m trying to somehow make this blog maybe possibly make me $10-$25 a month to help off set our budget (since it covers all the necessities) so I can have a crafty endeavor once in awhile still. But this blog is about those crafty endeavors and if I can’t afford to keep doing them I won’t have loyal readers so I won’t  be able to get advertising so I won’t be able to do the crafty endeavors….vicious cycle I tell ya. Vicious. lol (Also the lack of ‘me’ time makes it hard to blog let alone craft! whew!)
Hubs:
My husband is in the military (deployed twice already) and I hate it. I’m proud of him but I just want it to be over with already. That is hard to say for many reasons a few being: it’s his job and it’s how I am able to stay at home with my kids and how we survive, it is also very un-American to say I wish my husband didn’t serve. But I get a nervous/throw up feeling when I think of him deploying again- I felt that way every single day of the year he was gone last time and I am so scared I’ll have to raise my kids on my own for the rest of my life if something happens to him-that they won’t know their daddy. I am not made out to handle that. I sometimes wish someone else would serve so he wouldn’t have to and then I feel sick/guilty that someone else would have to feel nervous/throw up just so I didn’t have to and so I feel like it’s my duty to feel that way so that maybe you don’t ever have to know that feeling.
Having it all together:
I get “you have it all together” or “you are so much more domestic than me” or something similar- a LOT. I’m here to tell you that most days I don’t shower, I wear the same thing that I slept in and brushing my teeth is probably an after thought not a priority. If I do shower it’s at 3pm and shaving just doesn’t happen anymore. I haven’t baked bread since Miss E was born (except for once and I was rushing and it came out bad). Yes I cloth diaper but it’s because I can’t afford to buy that many diapers all the time.
On this blog, on twitter and on facebook you see what I want you to see. You see what I think YOU want to see. No matter how many times someone says they want to know the real you- they really dont. I mean I have so many issues I’m trying to deal with I don’t want to feel bad after listening to your problems that I can’t find the 5 minutes to help you too…I don’t need more guilt on my plate haha.
So because I have so much to worry/stress/throw up about I’m worn out and I’m a bad friend. I forget to get gifts or can’t afford to. I forget to call you and when you call me I’m too tired to form complete sentences so you get “uh-huh” “oh really”  “that’s nice” etc. and you feel like I’m ignoring you. I’m not. really I’m not. I’m trying so hard but nothing is seeming to match up.
My son eats cereal bars (organic brand), chicken nuggets (Tyson because we can’t afford the organic kind anymore-there’s only like 10 in a $8 box and he eats 5 at a time! yikes!), peanut butter toast, hummus & crackers, ice cream and chocolate. I can’t get him to touch a veggie or fruit (TRUST me I’ve been offering it to him since he stopped at 18 months….he’s THREE so that 10-15 times exposure thing is CRAP-OLA)  and we even planted a garden this year trying to A) save some money and B) get him involved in the process to try and get him to eat some veggies…so far we have ONE cucumber to show for our efforts and he wouldn’t even touch that. UGH. Yes I know if he is hungry enough he’ll eat it. But with little sleep, no nap, waking up cranky, etc…wouldn’t you go the easy way too? at least the ice cream and chocolate is only after he poops on the potty.


Whew. So there it’s all off my chest and if you’ve read this far…I’m sorry for putting my stuff on you. I’m sorry for wasting 10? 20? minutes of your life lol
So if you feel the same way as me on even only ONE of these things: I don’t have any advice and I don’t have a solution…I can’t even say “It will get better- it’s only a season in your life” because so far it’s the only season I know. But just know that I’m there with you. No matter how it seems on this blog…I know and I’m there. We can be there together- not solving anything but just knowing the other is there with us.

ok, I am prepared to lose some subscribers on here and have some friends on facebook avoid me because of all my ‘issues’ but I got sick of reading other “honesty” blog posts and thinking that it would be a great day if my life was their “messy/bad/ unorganized” life! lol!
So I’m hoping some of you feel that way too. Thanks for reading Miss E needs to nurse and Little Man is begging for nuggets…so REAL life calls!
Love,

P.S. I just want to state that I LOVE my kids and my husband and I KNOW we could have it much worse and I am thankful we don’t. Really I am very thankful and VERY aware it could be different. I just needed to vent and let someone else know that it’s ok she/he feels this way too. Because I wish someone would’ve written this post to make ME feel better too.

Disclosure & Disclaimer

 

Today’s post is something that will be posted on a tab up there in my menu bar shortly but I wanted to post it here so everyone will see it first. It is a lot of legal stuff and all that but it is time to comply with some rules and to cover my jiggly, just had a baby butt in case you get hurt or upset! Please read the whole thing (some parts might just make you laugh!) before asking me questions or pointing fingers at me telling me I sold out to ‘the man’ because I’d prefer that you say I sold out to ‘the woman’ mmmkay? hehe just kidding I didn’t sell out I just stopped offering my services that take time away from my family for free- you can’t fault me for that right?

Here we go:

Since I have recently started to offer private advertising on my site (as well as Google Ads) I need to post a disclosure statement in order to comply with the FTC rules on making money while blogging.

Let me first state that Creative Kristi will not change other than my sidebar now has a couple ads on it. In order to justify the amount of time I spend on the computer blogging I felt it necessary to maybe earn some pocket change while doing so.

I am just a mom trying to provide for her family without changing my daily life too much. I am not a jet-setting blogger only in it for the money. I love to blog. I love to create. Why not try to make some money doing what I love?

If you are bothered by this new addition to my site then I’m sorry but I need to do what is best for me and my family. I see it as- while the bagger at the grocery store is providing me a service the store is still paying him/her to do so, they probably wouldn’t do it for free and even if they would (yay! a great human being doing good deeds!) if you offered them compensation they would probably take it because they need to provide food & clothing for their family too right?

Anyway in case you don’t read the following Disclosure statement let me summarize:

I am loud, opinionated and not afraid to ruffle ANYONE’S feathers to let you know I don’t like something. Really. Ask my family- they’ve lived with me for almost 27 years and they know. I will NOT change my opinion just because I got a free item or money (I will thank you because I’m polite but will not change my opinion). I will let you, the reader, know when I received free product or compensation.

There. Ok here goes the legal mumble jumble:

Disclosure Statement:

This policy is valid from 30 July 2010

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact  Creative Kristi- creativekristi@gmail.com

This blog is family friendly and all advertising/comments/content is filtered by me to reflect that. I reserve the right to delete/remove any advertising, comments, links, etc. that does not meet that requirement without notice or refund.

This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.

This blog abides by word of mouth marketing standards. I believe in honesty of relationship, opinion and identity. The compensation received will not influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog-I have strong opinions and will not be swayed by money. If I like something, I will tell you and want to promote it, if I don’t like something, I will tell you and will not change my opinion in order to receive something free or to get money- Integrity is important to me. If I write a review or receive free product and post about it, or offer advertising space that content, advertising space or post will be clearly identified as paid or sponsored content.

The owner(s) of this blog might be compensated (mainly given free product to review) to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though I, the owner of this blog, might receive compensation for my posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org

Next up is

My Disclaimer:

If you try a project you see on Creative Kristi and you are hurt or mess up the project- It is NOT my fault! I am NOT an expert- I just utilize Google very effectively and read lots and lots (and LOTS) of other blogs. I remember lots of random facts, tidbits and hints/tricks- but that does not mean I remember them accurately (although if Military Man-aka my hubby- is reading this: When it comes to our marriage I remember everything accurately and I have never been wrong mmmkay?).

I do NOT follow the labels instructions usually because I sometimes use the product in ways not intended. Please follow your labels instructions though! If you do something they way I did it while not reading instructions/labels it is not my responsibility and you acknowledge you are doing so AT. YOUR. OWN. RISK.

Please wear safety goggles when doing anything that might even possibly involve flying objects or high pressure! (My mom worked for years in the ophthalmology field so this has been drilled into my head so please just do it for my mom ok? Pretty please???)

Please wear a mask and whenever possible be outdoors when using stinky chemical products. I already feel there are too many people with way less brain cells then are needed to function properly in life (hello?! when it says to YIELD when getting on the interstate and I am already on the interstate- it does not say “speed up and hope the car coming at me will brake and let the 18-wheeler behind her run her over") so please don’t do anything that might kill your brain cells ok? Wear a mask, open windows, go outside, remove your children from the house (send them to Grandmas or something) and just practice general safety!!

Be advised, Creative Kristi cannot be held liable for any accidents, injuries, or really messed up/ugly projects that may result from following my tips or tutorials.

I am selfish so please give me credit for my photos and ideas.

I am happy to have you link to my posts and photos on your blog. However, I ask that you please credit my work and link back to my site. I don't make much money for all my work, so the credit is all I have. All photos are taken with a point and shoot camera or my iPhone, but they are still copyright Creative Kristi.

There. All that un-fun stuff is taken care of- I think. Please come back tomorrow when I may post my latest project (or not because I have a pirate party to finish up!) and get to writing those posts for our linky party Monday- What I did this weekend!

Have a Happy day,

Blog Button!

<a href="http://www.creativekristi.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee112/Kilikikd/Blog%20button/Blogbutton_1-2.jpg" border="0" alt="Creative Kristi"></a><br />


Just a quick little post to let you know I created my first blog button (it's a little addicting I might make many changes lol) & I'd be oh-so-happy if you grab one & post it on your blog (let me know if you do!!)
So there it is, just copy & paste the code in the box below the picture into an html widget on your blog! Thanks!

JSYK

JSYK= Just So You Know. I have no idea if that is an actual Internet/shorthand thing but it's what I started to type to my husband when he was deployed to tell him about things happening around here (usually a message like this: "JSYK we have X amount in the bank so don't spend it all" lol)

But today I'd like to give you a link to something that I am usually VERY tempted to print out and hand out to all the very obvious offenders- the #1 thing that bugs me is people leaving the flag out at night without lights on it or any proper lights on it (street lights do NOT count people!)

So Happy 4th and here ya go- go educate yourself! (Yes honey I know you know this already- you are excused from class!)

-Kristi